Sunday, January 10, 2010

Humans Asking Humans About Problems With Dogs??

What's up with that? This girl doesn't see humans asking dogs about problems with humans. Let's face it, many humans spend their lives looking for something they call clues. If they would just tell us what these "clues" smell like we dogs could have found them for the humans a long time ago!!!

So anyway, this girl was talking to her Uncle Eatbugs who passed so many sleeps ago it's hard to remember. Oh, uh this girl guesses you humans who aren't used to talking to your best beloveds who have gone to the next hunt, would call this channeling. Anyway, Uncle Eatbugs, he said "LoJack, since this Jack boy has been gone there is really no Jack wise enough to give all the dogs the good, good advice this Jack used to do on his advice column "Ask Eatbugs". You are a wise girl and you are blind so you can see things more clearly than most. How about you taking up the meaty bone and continuing on with what this Jack started to help humans be worthy of the dogs who adore them?"

Wahhhlllll, LoJack tells you, this girl had to chew a very large bone for a very long time to decide about this. She realized that this would cut into her vermin hunting, bone crunching, toy destroying, garden excavating, territory patrolling, car riding, tummy rubbing, under the covers snuggling, pack mate annoying, human bossing, important stuff time. First she would have to learn to talk like the humans. Whew humans don't talk like dogs. They talk all " Blah blee blah bleee bloop", like that. And spell??? Who in the name of Sirius taught humans to spell?!?

So instead of talking in dogish, like this " Dis gurl habba 2 goh an shomp dee stripee rat", the humans would say, "This girl has to go and chomp a chipmunk". Where the heck did they get chipmunk from a stripy rat??

Or instead of just writing,

"Dis am LoDak a mossuss furoshus dak wut eber tappded toez onna pootur keez. Butcept dis dae hur habba youz da pott howlderz acuz amomma youz da pootur sew manee hundirteesowsundsree ourzminidaze dat da keez wur seemooken!!!

The humans would say, "This is LoJack, the most ferocious Jack that ever tapped the computer keyboard. Except today she has to use a pot holder because her human mom has used the computer so many hundred thousand three hours and many days that the computer was smoking".

See???? Humans spell and write crazy!!! Anyway this girl decided that her Uncle Eatbugs would not have asked her to do such a hard, hard thing as learning human spelling and talk if it wasn't very important. So this girl did and it took a loooonnnggg time too. Almost a week!! It would probably have taken longer if my mom hadn't taught me with SATZ, whew is this girl is lucky!!

So now you dogs that are having troubles with your humans or other pack mates (but not cats cause they are snooty and think they know everything when everybody knows it's us dogs who have the inside track) you tell this girl and we will put them back on the straight hunt in Jack time. (Jack time, giggle, this girl is funny)

This post is written by LoJack who hopes the dogs of the world will help the humans they live with learn to become worthy of their adoration.